On Trying
Recently, I applied for the BCG Women’s MBA Fellowship. In a nutshell, this is a great mentorship program offered by BCG to female MBA candidates at INSEAD, IESE and LBS. I decided to take my chances and applied for the same, even though I did not have any prior consulting experience. After an application with a cover letter, talking to several friends and associates who worked at BCG, and two interviews, I learned that I was one of the two to be selected for the mentorship. Needless to say, I was thrilled because I hadn’t expected to be chosen from a pool of incredibly smart and talented young women. And interestingly, I definitely did not expect a monetary reward for being mentored by an inspiring woman leader at the firm.
Anyway, prior to hearing back, I was a nervous wreck! I couldn’t help but spend a significant portion of my day at work wondering how I would react if I did not get selected. Closer to finding out (about 18:00 IST), I realized that it didn’t matter whether I was awarded the fellowship or not, because I had tried and sincerely tried.
Reflecting on this, I began to detect a pattern in terms of pursuing things I have wanted (or needed) whether professionally or personally. Oftentimes, I felt the object of my pursuit was out of my league. Yet, I found that I had tried anyway. The question that most would ask is: Why? To those voices I say: Why not? What is the cost of trying? Nil except for time value. And I trust that time is a resource many of us learn to use and allocate efficiently over the years.
Yet, it’s not as simple. Trying takes commitment and an intention to give the best of yourself to something without necessarily knowing the outcome. In some ways it’s like taking a leap of faith, where you do the work of maintaining faith, but you don’t know whether your faith alone will carry you through. Honestly, it’s tough. Shots in the dark are scary and there are two elements that contribute to the “scariness”:
Uncertainty: Because let’s face it, we all hate ‘not knowing’.
Vulnerability: There is a sense of vulnerability involved in uncertainty.
However, if we take a look beyond the fear of uncertainty and beyond the energy or time expended in trying, we find that trying is transformative. Often, it may lead to discoveries of talents or skills we didn’t know we even possessed to begin with. Other times, it acts as a reflective mirror to let us know what we lack, whether a skill or an attitude. Essentially, trying boils down to this little nugget: a journey of self-discovery and self-reflection.
There is an important difference between trying and expecting, or feeling entitled. The biggest sign of maturity and ultimate level of acceptance is trying without harboring expectations. Doing so emanates a contentment and peaceful feeling that is truly resonant with one’s inner being. If you feel that simply because you have put in effort towards something, you are entitled to it, boy you’re due for that reality check! The real point of trying is not simply unearthing facets of your personality, but rather to exercise the agency of choice.
Overtime, it becomes clearer what is worth pursuing and what isn’t. You get to choose exactly what you want to put your effort towards and what you’d rather just pass up. Usually we try for four kinds of things:
Easy Wins: These are all those things for which the probability of success is relatively high.
Within Reach: These are all those things for which the probability of success is within grasp with a little effort.
Tough Wins: These are all those things for which the probability of success is low and success here is very satisfactory. (Getting awarded the BCG Fellowship was a tough win for me!)
Outlier Wins: These are all those things for which the probability of success is very low and the outcome will likely result in failure.
If we are able to categorize our objective into these four wins, it becomes clear how much effort should be spent correspondingly. For instance, a rational being would likely try hardest for 2 and 3.
There is something special about tough wins, though. They are so immensely gratifying not only because they are challenging but also because they lead to a huge boost in confidence. As is in the case of many women, it is very hard for me to see my merit and assert my worth. In a largely competitive and male-dominated world, it becomes increasingly important for us to try, regardless of the outcome. Usually, we don’t even try because we have already convinced ourselves that we are unworthy of the object of our pursuit. How crazy is that?
Anyway, woman or not, I encourage everyone to try and to genuinely try. No strings attached. And honestly, disappointment or elation, anger or hope or sadness, feeling the emotions that are associated with trying is important - because who knows, we may be surprised at what we find when we do try. We may just land up closer to our dreams and aspirations in the most unexpected ways, because the dots do connect after all!
So here’s the commandment: Thou shalt try. Success or failure, trying makes all the difference.
